The MAD
by Entropy Pixel
Summary: TV Tropes crosses over with fiction. This fic isn't too good. I'll be writing a better version that I'll finish, when I can be bothered.
1. Chapter 1: An Introduction

**AN: Hi! I'm the author. Welcome to my metafictional (and quite possibly crazy awesome) Internet culture and anime crossover. TV Tropes ate my life, so TV Tropes will also crossover. Enjoy! Spoilers for **_**Mahou Sensei Negima**_**, so be warned.**

Hello reader! I'm your friendly fourth-wall-breaking narrator! I'm here to tell you the story of an organization called IGOR (Internet Grubby Object Removal). In this case 'grubby' means 'dishonest and immoral', there are probably better words than 'grubby' out there that can describe something as being malicious and vile, but the author liked having fun with acronyms. Oops! I've gotten sidetracked. Anyway, IGOR was formed when the Goddess of the Internet, Lain, decided that there were far too many stupid comments, bizarre and scarring items of rule 34, trolls and Mary Sues and stuff plaguing our beloved series of tubes. So she formed IGOR. Honesty, why 'IGOR', this fic has nothing to do with any Igors. Is our author trying to be postmodern, or is she just stupid? You decide!

**AN: Narrator, I'm going to fire you if you keep badmouthing me.**

Fine. I'll try not to insult you. Do you how tricky it is being a narrator? Yeah, narrators are omniscient, but we're trapped. It's worse if you can break the Fourth Wall, I'm fully aware that I'm just a load of text. I'm not real. You all should be really glad that I didn't go all emo when I realized that. Oh, it's fine; I'll just go and cry in a corner…

Anyway, now for some more lazy-expo-speak! IGOR started as a small group fictional characters that were famous on the Internet being rounded up by Lain to go slaying trolls, exorcising stupid comments, etc. They'd go to the IGOR HQ when they had some spare time (i.e. when they weren't on screen/panel/etc.), where they'd sign in and get ready to patrol the Internet. Those were they the days where you could see Batman team up with Suiseiseki and Captain Picard, but nowadays IGOR is divided by genre. This story focuses on the Manga and Anime faction of IGOR. This faction is called MAD IGOR (Manga [and] Anime Department [of] IGOR). Again, having fun with acronyms is to blame here.

Other factor for the Great Genre Divide was the huge influx of new members, because Lain decided that any character, no matter who how obscure they are or how small their role is, should be allowed to work for IGOR. Many characters that were sadly demoted to extra now had a place to shine. Agent Satsuki of Tsukihime still doesn't have a major role in anything, though. Isn't it sad, Sacchin? Anyway, IGOR became huge and many characters were taking an interest. Characters realized that they had the opportunity to do something amazing, they could enlist and fight truly terrible foes, totally NOT because IGOR is an excuse for awesome crossovers (If you always wanted to see Jack Rakan and Major Kusanagi team up, this is the place).

In the Manga and Anime Department, groups have to have 5 members, as decried by Haruhi Suzumiya (one of the leaders of MAD IGOR). One member of the team must be very powerful; they must also be able lead the team. The second member must be a foil to the leader; he or she is basically the First Mate to the Captain, i.e. the second in command or the right-hand-man. The third member should be weak physically in power, but be especially intelligent. The fourth member must be the strongman of the team; they may also be a foil to the third member. The fifth member should be the peacekeeper, they aren't very powerful, but they take care of the team and encourage teamwork and loyalty. Sometimes the fifth member has no powers at all and is a normal person, but they still have the mighty power of friendship and encouragement. How cheesy. A team can get a sixth member if they do well enough. The sixth member can be a mascot, a child, a pet, an ally, or just another member.

Anyone can join, even villains, just as long as the villains are liked enough and aren't huge douches. Characters use their abilities (for example magic or time travel etc.) to fight, or they can use the all-powerful 'tropes', which are fictional concepts. They can yell the name of a trope, for example "COSPLAY OTAKU GIRL POWER!", and then some creative metaphor for the trope would happen, like summoning a cosplay disguise (don't ask me what "RULE 34 BEAM!" does, trust me you DON'T want to know (or do you, you perv (yay! I love brackets!))). Characters can only use tropes that they are examples of though. Wow, I've done A LOT of expo-speak, let's finally get round to introducing the characters!

In this story will be following the adventures of **Team We Need a Better Name**. It's members are:

**1: Chao Lingshen**, from _Mahou Sensei Negima_. She is a talented martial artist, time-traveller, powerful mage, genius, mad scientist, alien from mars, and a really good chef. Joined MAD IGOR due to having no appearances in _Negima_ for quite some time. She's one of MAD IGOR's best members, meaning that she is forced to take medicine to stop her getting too Sue-ish.

**2: Faraway Skies**, an original character. She has basic magic powers and a gun… that's it. Mainly an experiment to see if the author can write an OC that has importance to the plot without having her becoming a Mary Sue. The author would like people to give their views on her, and tell the author if Faraway is turning into a Sue. Faraway is cynical, but also not very smart, in contrast to Chao.

**3: Daichi Misawa**, from _Yu Gi Oh GX_. He is a brilliant genius, a mad scientist and he's really good at card games. He was sadly demoted to extra, but Haruhi took pity on him and let him join MAD IGOR and be in the same team as his good friend Chao.

**4: Kurogane, **from _Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles_. He is a ninja, excellent sword-fighter, and has experience in dimension hopping and crossovers, he's also REALLY badass. He works for MAD IGOR when not jumping from world to world. He works for MAD IGOR because likes the fighting and slaying aspects of IGOR, and also because he needs to escape the horrendously complex aspects of _Tsubasa_ from time to time.

**5: Nami Hito**, from _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_. She's …normal. She joined MAD IGOR in a desperate bid to be special. It didn't work. She has no powers apart from her extreme normality. She originally named the team, but everyone else thought that her idea for the name was dull and run-of-the-mill, so 'We Need a Better Name' became the official team name.

So yeah, that's our first team of protagonists. The Major and Jack Rakan might appear later! I won't spoil anything. God help us if that's the only good point of this fic. So far it looks AWFUL. I mean, the premise is stupid (our favourite anime characters fight stupid YouTube comments… with TROPES!), and the fact that involves TV Tropes means readers who've never heard of it will be totally lost. I just hope stuff will go okay.

That's all for now, guys! Tune in next time for actual plot!


	2. Chapter 2: A Normal Day

Chapter 2

**AN: Yes! Summer holidays! Think of the Narrator as a person (you choose the gender and appearance) sitting in an old armchair in a dressing gown reading from a small laptop.**

Apparently I have some description now. Maybe I'll become a fully-fledged character! Ha!

**AN: Don't get your hopes up, moron.**

I hate you.

**AN: Shut up and get back to telling the story or I'll get a character to narrate.**

Yeah, yeah. You don't nearly pay me enough to do this job. But anyway, ONWARD TO THE STORY!

Nami Hito stood got out of the TubeRiderBus and took a deep breath. Despite having worked with IGOR for quite some time (though for some reason the organization had only come into existence a few months previously) Nami was still nervous before entering IGOR's headquarters. Maybe it was the fact that she had to leave the comfortable canon of _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and go to an abstract plain of reality that may or may exist to fight bizarre foes. Or maybe it was the fact that the bus driver was probably one of worst drivers in the whole of fiction. Nami wasn't even sure if Agent Yui Narumi (from _Lucky Star_, part time driver and talented MAD agent, or mad driver and part time agent) had a bus driver's license.

Nami took a few nervous steps towards the HQ. The bus drove off into the distance at such a speed that Nami almost felt sick again. Nami took a few more steps, with her eyes closed this time. The scenery around the HQ and the HQ itself was a tricky sight to take in. The HQ inhabited an infinite white void, but on one side there was something similar to a brick wall, it was already crumbling slightly. Nami was terrified of that wall. It glowed with a strange light, not unlike the light of a computer monitor, and if you looked closely you'd see letters and words float past, and you'd also see many pairs of eyes intently watching.

The white void space hummed slightly, it almost seemed alive. Data flew past Nami, blowing her hair and school skirt upwards. After restoring her dignity, Nami decided to be strong and open her eyes and face the HQ. She opened her eyes. She really didn't have enough strength to take all of the HQ in. The building was a huge sprawling mess, a mish-mash of mediums. Each department had their own wing, done in their own medium. For example the Video Game department's wing was flat and in the 8-bit style, the Comics department was drawn in ink and had thought boxes floating near it describing what it looked it. The Literature department's wing was very strange too, it was part of a castle made out of printed text and imagination, and the corpses of Harry Potter and Twilight fanfic Mary Sues hung from the battlements (as an example to others).

The Web Comics department's wing was similar to the Comic department; only it had a different art style (and wittier thought bubbles). The Film and Live Action TV wings were in live action; the Film department was in skyscraper-like wing (with a UFO and one of Godzilla's teeth stuck it), while the Live Action TV department was in a wing baring resemblance to a government building. Nami was used to live action objects (due to having been animated by Studio Shaft), but it was still brain breaking to look at. She preferred the Western Animation block (it didn't give her such a bad headache), it was in bright colours and partly computer animated, but it was still eye-hurtingly bizarre. The second highest department was the Manga and Anime department, which was styled to look like a huge school. The highest department was the Web Original department, which on first glance is invisible –it perfectly blends in with the infinite white space, but if you look again you will see a cat's head made out of the previous forty or so words.

Nami considered the most terrifying aspect of the building to be the brain-breaking way all the mediums were joined together as one building. They all bleed into each other to make the visual equivalent of a headache. And then there was the Neutral Block, a block at the back of the building of no medium at all, it was made of pure imagination. The reception (that was right at the front of the HQ) that Nami was walking towards was also neutral. Luckily, most characters felt safe in the neutral areas (despite the neutral areas being an abstract concept).

Nami opened the door, and entered the chaotic reception room. Characters of every genre and medium were reporting their attendance and signing in, that or raiding the vending machines (they served every fictional drink in existence). She ran towards the Manga and Anime desk, bumping into a maliciously placed potted plant as she did so.

"Nami Hito, is that you?" said the receptionist, a faceless extra; she didn't even have a name.

"Yeah, who but this plant here?"

"That's classified information."

"Stealing Agent Asahina's catchphrase eh?"

"Oh heavens no, I'm only borrowing it. You want to sign in, don't you, Agent Normal?"

"Don't say normal! And yes I do."

The receptionist typed into her computer that Nami was here.

"Your team is on comment exorcising duty today. Will you be here all week?"

"Yes, I'll be staying at my flat in the Neutral Block."

"Your roommate Agent Skies is already here. Your other roommate Agent Kurumi Momose will be here in a few days, once the author has finished re-watching _Pani Poni Dash_."

"Thank you RandomExtra01! I'll be leaving now!" said Nami as she ran off. She crashed into the Potted Plant (which had been mysteriously capitalized), and fell into an animated anthropomorphic sentient steak, which uttered a long list of curse words, which were mainly horrible things about Nami's mother.

Nami mentally added the steak to her To Kill List. She considered grilling and eating it instead of just killing it, but decided against it, as the rude idiot was self-aware. That steak is creepy mean jerk. He hates me too (after I nearly bought him for my lunch at the supermarket). And anyway, is the steak dead or alive (both? Is it a sentient Schrodinger's steak)? Maybe it's a zombie, as the cow is dead, but the meat is re-animated. Man, I'd be weirded out if I died and one of my muscles got up said, "I think, therefore I am," and walked off. And anyway, ew. Maybe I should try and kill that steak instead of Nami (you know, FOR SCIENCE!). But now I should be getting back to this lame story.

Nami walked onto the Teleporter and was sent to the location of her group's assignment. The Teleporter always knew were you were meant to go, and it sent you there with gusto. But this meant that if you wanted to visit your friends in your or other departments, or out in the field, before going on your assignment, you'd have to use another method of transport. It was also impossible to go to a fictional world using it (for that you'd have to use a FictionSub followed by a TubeRider, or a CrossoverTeleporter).

Nami landed at YouTube. Agent Daichi Misawa was waiting for her. YouTube looks like a white room filled with an uncountable amount of screen each showing a video, one screen for every video on YouTube. Misawa smiled warmly at Nami. "You're late. But I suppose your role was to be the person who comes late so we can skip all the boring things and just give some exposition on the current situation," he said. He spoke with a mild British accent; a trait inherited from his other personality, Bastion Misawa. If a dub or translation changes a lot about a character, the character gains another personality, but more on that at a later date, this is all too expo-speaky.

Misawa used the search box to teleport him and Nami to the screen showing the video they had been assigned to. "Click," said Misawa. They were teleported to the page of the video, it was an AMV made by a rabid shipper of a pairing not commonly accepted, the AMV was about that pairing. The comments section had about a hundred and twenty comments, of which 32 were to be exorcised.

"So what are we meant to do?" said Nami.

"We are currently on the 2nd comment on our list. This one is a practically rage filled piece. We've already defused the F-bombs," said Misawa as they walked towards the other 3 members of their group. They were sitting around the comment chanting in whispers and burning incense.

"Is the comment likely to start a flamewar."

"Not very likely. But we'll take anti-flame measures anyway."

Misawa turned round to face me and stared me in the eye, then he said, "Narrator, would you please say what exorcising comments does? It makes Nami look stupid if we do too much exposition. It would be a great help too us!"

Hey man, that wall was like almost brand new!

But anyway, EXPO-SPEAK! Exorcising comments makes the reader forget them very quickly and reduces the likelihood of a flamewar starting. If a person read the comment before it is dealt they do not suffer memory-loss of the comment, but he or she just can't remember entirely what it said. They will also not experience any further feelings of rage. The comment will be buried under many other comments and will be forgotten eventually. Even the writer of the comment won't remember what it said. Thus the amount of flamewars and anger directed at the comment itself and it the very fact that people write such stupid things is reduced.

I know it all seems very trivial, it's just one stupid comment, only a minor nuisance. But not here, the Internet is being clogged up with these things. To characters present on the Internet this is pollution, hazardous waste. And that's just AWFUL. So awful that I don't care about it.

Well anyway, expo-speak equals boring so lets get with some introductions!

Chao Lingshen got up and walked up to Nami, she smelled of tasty meat buns and not so tasty incense. The incense needed for the ritual was soaked in tubs on Brain Bleach® (a miracle product, that can be bought from Trope Co. Can remove anything from scarring images to stuff mankind would be better off not knowing) so it smelt like bleach, acid and not gouging your eyes out. Also why am I talking about how Chao smells? But anyway, Chao went over to Nami, her Odango hairstyle bouncing happily. She smiled and said, "You're late."

"I know," smiled Nami.

"Well that is normal, the teleporter is running slow. But we all took the TubeRider. So I guess you aren't late, ne."

"Don't say normal!"

"How can a teleporter run slow?" said a bored looking Kurogane, "It's just stupid."

" …" chanted Faraway, wishing she'd eaten breakfast. She could hardly concentrate.

Everyone sat down and started chanting. Misawa poured some water on the comment to wash it out and stop any sparks from flying. Slowly, the comment faded and blended in. The malicious comment was now forgotten.

"Two down, 30 to go," said Chao. Chao was fully aware of the faster and easier ways to get rid of comments, but she liked the traditional method because it did a better job. And I guess you don't want to be bored. Well the rest of this day at MAD is kinda boring, so lets meet again when the team go Sue-hunting! See you next time!

**AN: Hey! I had lots more planned for this chapter!**

Well too late. Give me my paycheck.

**AN: So that's it for today! It's a bit short but the next chapter will be longer!**


	3. Chapter 3: Sue Hunter

Chapter 3 - Sue Hunter

**AN: I think censor strong language instead of changing the rating, as sexual content is ubiquitous within the M rating. So instead of disappointing those who were looking for erotic content, I'll just become an egregious example of self-censorship. **

You love the words 'ubiquitous' and 'egregious', don't you?

**AN: Those words are just good friends of mine. Nothing more than really good friends, honest.**

You missed the point so hard. I'm laughing my head off here!

**AN: You do realize I can delete your %£*^!$ £& out of here. I am a god. Also that joke wasn't even all that funny. **

Oh boy. You know that may be a good thing. You're a $^!$%^!*%^$^£$% employer.

**AN: Well enough of that. I wrote most of this after reading **_**Thirty Hs**_** and 5 hours worth of **_**Homestuck**_**, so my mind feels funny.**

No one cares about your personal life !&$£*^.

**AN: Well last chapter was short and only introduced the characters vaguely. You did a crappy job. **

Well I don't care. You BETTER pay me, or I'll think of a creative threat. I think we've wasted enough time. The readers are bored and one has started to sing and dance, while still reading this (Oh and, I SEE YOU (and I love brackets)).

Faraway got out of bed. For some reason she was character that would be focused on this chapter. She slept in a baggy white shirt for fanservice-y reasons. She didn't find it very comfy, but she had been told it'd be important later.

She lived in an apartment in the Neutral Block; she shared it with Nami Hito, and Kurumi Momose. Her bedroom was white and filled with light. All of the room and everything in it apart from Faraway, a few pieces of furniture and Faraway's clothes lying on a chair, was white. The room was also constantly changing; it became what the readers were imagining. In fact, the whole Neutral Block did this too.

Faraway recalled the dream she had had. She and load of other people had been standing on a cliff, in the darkness, holding hands, ready to die together. Lightning flashed and thunder crashed, and they were no more. And we know that lightning usually meant that something bad and/or dramatic was happening. She was also fairly sure that her dream would be important later. Characters, when they gain knowledge of the Fourth Wall, gain an understanding of the route their lives will take.

The dream hadn't scared Faraway. Nothing truly scared Faraway. The dream had been oddly nostalgic, like she'd seen it before. Maybe she had. Faraway then noticed she was hungry. She got dressed. She only had one set of clothes due to fictional characters almost never needing to change or wash their clothes. She was wearing short black shorts, a baggy black top with blue-purple roses made of silk all the way down both sleeves. She discovered that she owned no shoes or socks. _It must be a conspiracy, _she thought. Ok, boring _My Immortal_ style changing scene over, moving on.

Faraway walked to the kitchen. The school uniform-clad Kurumi and Nami had already eaten and were reading some newspapers. Faraway rubbed her eyes and said, "Good morning Plain and Normal." The two rather ordinary girls replied sleepily with their respective catchphrases:

"Don't call me plain…" said Kurumi, she went off to sit in a corner.

"Don't call me normal!" said Nami, she continued reading her newspaper…

_**The Daily Trope**_

**HEAVY FORESHADOWING STORMS ARE TO OCCUR**

Faraway ate some cereal. The cereal tasted bland and under-described. She then swallowed her Mary Sue Prevention pills. The pills were bitter, but necessary. All original characters and several canon characters had to take them. No one likes to think about the horrible mutations that happen if you don't, and getting the Bad Writing Disease is also likely.

She picked up her two newspapers. One was…

**THE ANVILICIOUS TIMES: **_**Because subtly is for THE WEAK!**_

**DRUGS ARE BAD! DON'T TAKE DRUGS! EVER!**

She read it because she thought it oddly amusing. But she took her other newspaper dead seriously. She nicknamed it the Birth of Fanon. Her eyes glittered with excitement as she picked up…

_**Wild Mass Guessing Weekly **_

**THE NARRATOR IS A TIME LORD AND THIS FIC IS HIS TARDIS!**

Those allegations are false. There's no way that I'm a Time Lord. You're just being silly. I guess we'll just skip all of Faraway's obsessive WMG reading. Let's time travel!

**AN: You, the reader, imagine a vast timey-spacey vortex. But all you see while time travelling is this lame fanfic. You feel ripped off. You punch the narrator. **

Ouch!

How the hell did you punch through the fourth wall? Ok, all readers are now officially meanies. I hate all of you. Wait, what are you doing? No! Don't go! Dammit. I can't decide if should try and reach through the broken fourth wall and punch you through your computer monitors (or smartphones or magical mirrors or whatever you're using to read this) or say sorry.

Fine. Sorry.

I'm sorry for being mean. But you punched me! All of you punched me! And now someone needs to fix that damn wall. But I bet all of you jerks are bored by now, so lets get back to the story (but more importantly, how did you punch me without even moving your arms?).

A bell rang out. Kurumi, Nami and Faraway all jumped and ran out the door. The bell meant that the department meeting was to start in a few minutes. The three girls ran down the corridor. The corridor of the MAD residential block in the Neutral Block only had its teleporter at the very end. The girls reached the teleporter and stood on it, panting. Nami pressed the button to go to the MAD hall.

A bright green light flashed. The girls were instantly transported to the hall, which looks like a gym hall. Everyone was taking their seats. Chao waved at the girls and guided them to where everyone else in the group was sitting. Kurumi was nervous; she hated being the only one who wasn't part of a group. She was nervous and blushing, yet her _moe _factor was still nonexistent.

The hall fell silent as three characters teleported onto the platform in front of all the seats. Chisame of Negima, Yuki of Haruhi Suzumiya and Madoka of Puella Magi Madoka Magica were here. They were the trio that ran the MAD, they had been appointed by Lady Lain herself. The three of them held an assembly every week for the MAD agents.

I bet you're wondering where O-Haruhi-sama, or Kamina are. Well, I'll tell you, Lain chose these three girls because of their abilities. Chisame has her amazing technology related powers (that are highly useful while in the Internet), Yuki can warp reality by merely chanting computer code (Lain also uses her to talk to Haruhi, as Lain would rather avoid Haruhi), and Madoka is hugely powerful and similar to Lain in quite a few ways.

Chisame stood forward. She was here to read the notices. She cleared her throat and began her speech.

"Okay, first of all, abyss-staring time will be shortened to one hour per month maximum for any bishounen. Any more angst and side-switching in our department and we'll have to be giving people those Hot-Blood vaccines again."

Some bishounen rolled their eyes. Shinji Ikari looked like he was going to be sick, in fanfiction he'd been forced to become hot-blooded so many times on certain days he and Simon couldn't be told apart. He liked his abyss-staring without countless fanboys and girls trying to make him badass.

"Point two, ranking exams are next week…"

Faraway zoned out. She disliked assemblies, and Chisame was making them even more boring because she was obviously bored too. Her voice was just droning on, lulling Faraway to sleep. But when time Faraway gave in, Chao used Kung Fu on her. Faraway jumped and everyone around her stared. Chao flashed a cat-like smile.

Chisame droned on, "Point 9: A piece of paper with the words "ISABELLA IS DEAD", has been found at the scene of the crime of the 'Cherry Blossom' incident. Could everyone who knows anything about this note report to Agent Yurumeshi or Agent Cooper." Everyone in the room suddenly paid attention. If Agent Cooper of Twin Peaks was involved there was something rotten in the series of tubes. And not just bad writing.

"Point 10," said Chisame, "Pedobear sightings have risen. Due to a lack of responsible adults in the Western Animation Department, and the shamefully large amount of lolicon in our department, the Antibear Guardian Service members of the MAD will be taking care of one junior agent from the WAD and one from the MAD." Faraway started daydreaming and speculating if Chisame was related to Daria, then she heard her name being called, "Faraway Skies, is she here?" said Madoka.

"Yeah!" shouted Faraway, as she ran up to the front. Most of the people in hall had left by now.

When Faraway got to the front, Madoka told her that the two kids that she would be looking after were Miyako of Digimon 02 and Gaz of Invader Zim.

"Hey, get over here, Ice-cream Head!" yelled Kurogane. The reason for that rather embarrassing nickname was Faraway's spikey pink, brown and cream striped hair. She had been born/written in with hair like that. And when she had bed hair, even Yugi Moto would laugh at her. In short, her hair was awful. Wow, that was a huge and pointless tangent. I get paid by the sentence, you know,

Faraway walked towards the back of the hall were her team was waiting.

"Who did you get?" asked Nami. Faraway told them.

"You got Gaz. That's not good. I guess it's Antibear's punishment for you missing 10 of their meetings," said Chao, "now let's hurry up, the sensors on my watch indicate there's a Mary Sue to kill!"

The team walked out the hall and down the corridor. Outside the windows, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Despite them not even existing in this non-existent fictional world. Misawa stopped to admire them so he'd be noticed by the story. The rest of the team left him behind and entered the equipment room. It looked just like a normal locker room, but it was were everyone in the MAD stored all there important weapons.

Chao grabbed her time-travelling pocket-watch. Kurogane got his sword. Misawa caught up and pathetically picked up his stack of _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ Cards. Nami and Faraway tried to look tough, but it was painfully obvious that they were useless. They didn't even get good weapons. Chao's powers made up for their lack of any skill. Then why are they on the team, you ask? Well, I'll tell you, all in good time. And I have lots of time.

The team walked to the back of the locker room. There was a huge shining portal there. If you looked into it you could see into eternity. That portal could go anywhere, to any point in time and space. It was made of imagination and archives. Chao had made a plan to use it as a weapon if something went wrong. But for now, it was only a glorified taxi service. The team jumped through it.

Faraway loved travelling with the portal. A warm golden light surrounded her, and a gentle wind played with her hair as she fell. Then she was unceremoniously thrown up on part of the white void surrounding the HQ. Everyone else had landed neatly and had done their Power Rangers-style poses. Chao likes silly poses, so that's why. Faraway just gave a feeble groan of annoyance and twitched a little.

In the distance a dreaded figure was quickly approaching them. Kurogane swore under his breath and readied his weapon. Faraway got up, and then she saw the figure and succumbed to nausea. Chao smiled slightly and took a fighting stance. Misawa drew a card from his deck; it was all sharp and pointy. Nami hid behind a bush that had suddenly been called into existence. I'm quite sure this will be an entertaining fight. Would you like some (imaginary) popcorn? I have provided some for you. After all, I am an excellent host.

The figure moved towards the group. She moved at an improbable speed. A maniacal grin spread across her face. She arrived in front of the group and stood perfectly still. In front of them stood a cruel mockery of nature. Her entire body seemed out of sync with reality. It pulsed and wavering in and out as misspellings forced her body parts to change shape. She was unnaturally perfect and beautiful, but also horribly mutated, her anatomical features were impossible and alien, and she was horrendously powerful. So powerful was she that reality bended and bowed to her will. Her power made Faraway skin crawl in fear.

The girl, if you could call her that, smiled a smile of nightmares. Her eyes glittered with terrible bloodlust. But strangely, they also showed a long boredom. She was a better, more perfect version of a god, and she liked being better than a god. But she wanted more. She wanted to kill everything. And she could easily. She, that disgusting being, carried Bad Writing Disease; she could kill with a mere touch. She could make the world cave in on its self. She was absolute perfection, and at the same time an ugly mark on reality, a demon that warped, twisted and corrupted everything in its path, a creature that was a cruel satire of humanity. She was a Mary Sue.

The Mary Sue charged at Chao, her hand radiated a dark energy, a power she had just made up that very second. Chao used her time-travel to disappear and reappear right behind the Sue. The Sue knew what Chao was doing instantly and was ready. After all, a Mary Sue has to better than everyone else, they have to be the best, prettiest and the most powerful character in the chosen canon. Chao was knocked to the ground. The Mary Sue stood above Chao, smirking and ready to finish her off. Misawa hit the Sue on the back of the head. She turned round and brushed past him at such a speed at she couldn't be seen. She kicked Misawa as she did so, knocking him unconscious. She was heading towards Nami, who was crouching in fear.

Luckily, this gave Chao enough to time to cast fireballs at the Sue. She snarled demonically in pain. Kurogane charged at her and ran her through, but she was still very much alive. Out of nowhere, she summoned a mighty sword to battle Kurogane with. Faraway and Nami ran at the Sue, grabbed her by the 'amrs'. Chao got up and shot another fireball at her, and Kurogane stabbed her again. She crumpled and fell to ground in pain. The three girls held the writhing, screaming body down as Kurogane finished her off. He dived his sword into her demonic, blasphemous, bloody form ten more times until she finally died. Faraway and Nami were immobilized, shaking in fear in front of the beautiful, defiled corpse, covered in her glistening, shining blood.

It never gets any easier.

Chao went off to attend to Misawa. Kurogane finally got the two girls to get up. And as everyone (Misawa draped across Chao and Kurogane's shoulders) headed back the HQ, Faraway said with a dazed expression on her face, "I think I need a trip to the hot springs. That was by far the Sue with the most blood I've ever seen."

"A trip to the hot springs? That sounds like great fun, ne!" said Chao, her smiling, cheerful face not at all matching all the blood on her.

So as everyone walked back to the HQ, celebrating their 20th successful kill, an unfortunate member of the cleaning staff was left to get the bloodstains out of the void.

**AN: That's it for today! Were my jokes funny? Please review and tell me. I need feedback, or I don't really know what I'm doing. Also please tell me if this fic is too confusing. It makes perfect sense to me, but I don't know about you guys. **

Tune in next time for more terrible crap!

**AN: Hey!**


	4. Chapter 4: Of Hot Springs and Walls

Chapter 4: Of Hot Springs and Walls

**AN: There are webcomic characters from **_**Dresden Codak**_** and **_**Girl Genius**_** in this chapter. I feel weird about using characters from those works as cameos, but I don't know why. So sorry, to the creators of these awesome webcomics. **

**Also, Narrator, the last chapter was way too gory. I can't believ-**

How dull. Another argument. Do they ever stop?

Oh? Who am I?

You'll find out soon enough. A hint: I'm not Narrator.

Do you like walls? I love walls. They are sturdy, loyal things. It's quite the shame that they break so easily. It's sad really. Things should be neat and tidy. A broken wall is quite unfortunate.

I baked the bricks of this fine wall. I oversaw construction. And I'm here to make sure some _**idiot **_doesn't mess up my work. To have dimensions melt into each other isn't all that a good idea.

I despise metafiction. And this fanfic is the German for sausage. I'm going to do something about it. If that something involves breaking this wall slightly right now, than so be it. Stage 1 should be complete by the time that this chapter ends.

Lets see what that stupid author is saying now-

**AN: You, Narrator. Are. A. Pathetic. Bag. Full. Of. Eels. Covered. In. Porridge. And. Cucumber. Slices. **

I quite like eels.

**AN: Ohmygod just SHUT UP! You just are a bloody bag full of eels!**

So wait, am I a pathetic bag full of eels or a bloody one?

**AN: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG.**

You seem to have gone pirate. Also my question, you didn't answer it.

**AN: GET ON WITH THE STORY!**

Sure, whatever you say, dummy. So yeah, we will follow around Chao for this chapter. Enjoy it and stuff.

Chao had taken four showers, changed clothes and thrown her old clothes in the washing machine, but she still felt disgusting and could get rid of the smell of the blood (it smelt of exotic, yet cheap perfume). She was now getting ready to go to the Mad Scientists and Geniuses Union, which was a group for highly intelligent agents who were important to science (as you've probably gathered from the name of the group).

She walked out of her apartment and slammed the door, causing it to lock and her CCTV camera to activate. She had to always be on guard. She walked down the corridor, took the glass elevator down to 30th floor (she wanted to see to the view of the void, which you at home can replicate by holding a piece of mysterious white paper to your face).

The elevator sadly said goodbye to Chao as she got out. The 30th floor of Neutral Block was a street in the suburbs at night, illuminated with orange neon lights that make the place look unnatural. Telephone wires hang overhead. A cat slinked past Chao. The air was fresh and cool. Of course this scene is made almost entirely in our imaginations, it's Neutral after all. Go give yourself a pat on the back for your imaginations.

Chao passed house number 12 with its permanent birthday balloons hanging outside, and entered number 13. Suddenly, she was somewhere else. She was in a huge white dome building which was one huge lecture hall filled with the brightest minds in fiction. The dome was futuristic and minimalistic, but a bit art deco too. It had large windows that peered out on a distant almost pulp fiction-like futuristic city that may or may not exist outside of this fic.

_*crack *_

Oh dear! Another crack in the wall! Crap, this means like half of this chapters pay will be used to fix that damn thing. Anyway, Chao walked inside and looked to see who was there. Explosions were going off everywhere, a load of people were laughing madly and Agatha of _Girl Genius_ was giving a demonstration, with some of the other people gladly helping her. Misawa was sitting at the back of the hall, staring at a chatting pair half-heartedly. Chao walked up to him. He was staring at Ami of _Sailor Moon_, who was having an engaging conversation with Kimiko of _Dresden Codak_.

"Hello Misawa," she said.

Misawa took a while to respond, "Hello Chao Lingshen, I thought you'd be going to the hot springs right away."

"The Author decided to move this scene to this chapter, rather than next chapter."

_***crack***_

Oh my, another crack. Oh sorry, do continue, Chao.

"Thank you Narrator."

"I've always found it funny how you can talk to us, in our present, while you tell the story in past tense," said Misawa. I don't have to explain my powers, you science freaks.

"It's also sort of distracting that you say "said X" or something like that, at the end of what we say," said Chao. "Hey, stop that!" she said with a shade of annoyance. Look Chao, you can only hear my narration when you break that wall, right?

"Yeah," said Chao.

So stop breaking the fourth wall. The repairs come out of my pay, you know. Now, get back to what you were doing.

"You've been staring at Miss Ami and Miss Kimiko for a while now. Why don't we join their conversation?" said Chao.

"If you want to. But, I would rather stay here," said Misawa.

"You like her, Ami Mizuno, don't you?"

"I do have a sort-of-girlfriend, you know."

"It can't be that then. I'll work it out eventually," said Chao. She was smiling to convince Misawa that she was somehow justified in snooping in on his private life.

Misawa fell for it and said, "It's just, no, it's nothing really. She's just a nice person, someone who I can think about to distract myself from all kinds of things. Oh my, I'm so miserable today," he looked up and flashed a nervous smile, "I guess slaying that girl sort of depressed me."

"Not a girl, just a sue," said Chao.

"Right. So, I guess I am not really in the mood to talk to those fine young ladies over there."

"I understand. It's OK! See you later!" said Chao cheerfully, as she half-walked, half-skipped off. She walked over to Ami and Kimiko, exchanged greetings and smoothly entered their conversation. Misawa watched, mildly jealous of Chao's rather assertive and easy-going personality, a rarity among fictional geniuses.

"…So we might be able to find a canon overlap between the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ and _Serial Experiments Lain_, because of _Lain_'s 'everyone is connected' theme and the plot point involving the Schumann Resonance and the _Hitchhiker's Guide_'s plot point of the Earth being a giant computer. We should be seeing some crossovers in the future," said Kimiko, "I'm not sure how that girl, Lady Lain will react to my findings, though."

Ami spoke, she said, "It's off-topic, but have you heard about the latest attempt to enter the _Thursday Next_ books?"

"Yes. No success, 3 casualties, and Agent Percy Weasley, who caught and later rescued the agents was temporary killed, from want I've heard," said Kimiko.

"Is the entry to _Thursday Next_ still illegal?" said Chao.

"Yes, I think so. The 4 agents will face consequences," said Ami, "they made it illegal because they want to prevent Recursive Reality and other problems, you see. It's dangerous to access any work featuring access to other works of fiction."

"Yes Ami, we all know this already," said Kimiko.

"I'm sorry, Dub-Personality Disorder again," said Ami.

They talked for a little longer. Chao then looked at her watch, noticed she had to go so she could go to the hot springs with other girls. She apologized and went on her way, leaving the hall and exiting into the suburban street to nowhere. She looked up into the eternal night sky, at the fake stars and sighed. She turned to me (not again, oh bloody hell, how am I going to pay my rent this month) and said, "This place is kind of weird. And I thought that Author of ours promised to make this story less confusing."

_*** CRACK ***_

Crap, there goes the wall again, dammit, Chao. I guess she thinks this is easy to understand, I mean this fic isn't yet as confusing as Tsubasa. It's quite-

"ENOUGH!" … Shouts/ shouted a voice from both behind Chao and outside the story. What the hell is this now?

"I am Mr. Didgeridoo of the Forth Wall Protection Agency," said the mysterious man, who marched confidently up to Chao. He was clad in a suit with a brick wall pattern with a matching tie and a white shirt. His eyes were hidden behind the usual Men In Black sunglasses. He reeked of smug arrogance. Also he was pretty short and fat for a mysterious agent. Also I think they ran out of normal names for spooky-type guys.

"Hey, wise-guy. I can hear you."

Dammit, I hate you guys.

"Hate you too, kiddo. Do you have a gender yet? It's kind of hard to talk about you behind your back if we don't know if you are a she or a he."

No. Damn that lazy Author. Damn you for by immune to my powers.

"Well whatever, kid. I'm here to talk to a Miss Chao Lingshen."

Go ahead. I'll just narrate. It's like all I do anyway.

"So Miss Lingshen, are going to stop messing around with our fine fourth wall anytime soon."

"I've only broken it a few times," said Chao, who trying to sound totally innocent. She knew he wasn't here to just chat about her wall breaking.

"No, not that, you daft thing. We're talking about the rather questionable safety of your experiments on the wall."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't like being lied to, Miss Lingshen. Your secret experiments, the ones we've known about for a long time, that you conducted together with some of your friends who are also from _Negima_, remember? I'm sure you must."

"Mr. Didgeridoo, please leave me alone. I've done nothing wrong," said Chao with such sweetness and innocence that it would have convinced almost anyone.

But Mr. Didgeridoo wasn't anyone, he raised an eyebrow and smiled, displaying his gold tooth, he said, "Maybe some evidence will convince you." He pulled out a photo from the inside of his jacket. The photo showed Chao, Hakase, Chachamaru and a few other characters, some most of them from works besides_ Negima_, standing in a futuristic looking lab, surrounded by tons of high tech lab equipment. The photo was nostalgic to Chao. It was her group after their first successful experiment with the fourth wall. Everyone had been celebrating, and Misawa had taken the photo. Chao kept her cheerful outside mood, but patches of anger were building inside. That photo, that event was special to her in a weird way that she couldn't explain.

Mr. Didgeridoo smirked; he could tell she was shocked, "So, do you admit to illegally performing illegal experiments that may damage yourself and others without filling in the correct paperwork?"

"How did you get this photo?"

"I have my sources."

"Fine. You have me! I did it!" smiled Chao. She was making a plan, it was **all** part of a plan, but mostly she just wanted to see how he would react to her unusual tactics. It was a genius against a man who manipulates for a living. In Chao's mind it was a mighty battle of minds, but to almost everyone else it looked like two people being rather odd.

"Good, good, no; excellent! Now if you would please sign some papers, so we can shut down your little lab."

"You're an original character, right?"

"Yes. Now, papers-"

"But Lady Lain would never allowed the creation of a MIB-like organization, such as yourselves. Lady Lain dislikes all sunglasses and suits wearing creeps."

"We're very secret. We have a huge network of agents, all to make sure that walls are firm and strong. You cannot imagine our giant size or power. And we are just one secret group of many. We are characters that were imagined en-masse, wiping us out is utterly impossible!" said Mr. Didgeridoo. He was getting mildly annoyed at Chao.

"Are you saying the great Lady Lain doesn't know about you guys?"

"No, I bet that little girl does. She just ignores us."

"I'm really hoping you guys are just a one off thing that the Author made up because she really wanted write a secret organization."

"You really should not disrespect the Author. We'll be back. Also my agents are currently destroying your lab and all it's equipment." Chao broke her cheery mask for a moment. That horrid little man had ruined all her SCIENCE!

"How dare you," she said calmly, but she was angry inside.

"Goodbye, Miss Lingshen," he said smugly. He had saved the harshest blow for last. With her lab gone she would have a motive to oppose him. It would be an interesting rivalry, he hoped. He was like a young child, having to always win, and becoming very angry if someone beat him. But now he'd won so well, that his rivals were too far away to see. He was as bored as all Wall-men are, bored with knowing everything. Also he just right now repaired the wall. Sweet! The landlady won't hold my fridge for ransom again this month!

()0o0()0o0()0o0()0o0()

"…And that's when I stole the pancakes," said a strangely dressed Faraway to a normally dressed Nami as they waited outside the hot springs spa.

"Don't say normal! So, anyway, why did you kick the plant pot in the airport waiting room then?" said Nami (who hadn't been paying much attention to what Faraway had been saying) as she stared at the lovely exterior of the spa. It was made of wood, in the old Japanese style. Lanterns illuminated it. It was actually still inside the HQ, under a huge dome. The spa was surrounded by swampy forest, and with the lanterns, the building looked mystical and otherworldly. The dome also projected an image of the night sky at all times.

"Weren't you listening? I kicked the plant pot because the elves told me to, duh!"

"I sort of zoned out after the second appearance of the mammoths."

"Meaning you missed the part with the cake-eating wheelchair. Damn, that was the best part of that one time."

"I liked the catboys."

"Yeah, they still send me Christmas cards."

Chao ran across the swamp, "Sorry, I'm late!" she said.

"Said the time traveller," said the annoying idiot (aka Faraway), "Hey!"

"Let's go inside, now," said Chao.

And they did. The inside was also in the old-fashioned Japanese style. They went into to changing rooms. They were the only ones there today.

"Faraway, what happened to your outfit?" asked Chao.

"Well my usual outfit was covered in blood so I tried to knit a new one and nearly hanged myself on the stuffed moose…"

"You are all about improbable stories today. I wasn't even aware we had a stuffed moose," said Nami.

"Well, anyway, so I found the black licorice miniskirt with licorice all-sorts all over it that I'm wearing right now in the moose, as well as this pair of vertical striped tights, black baggy hoodie and black t-shirt."

Stop describing your wardrobe, you utterly dull person, and get a life. Just get to the fanservice. Fashion = BOOOOOOOOOORING.

"Are you sure you're not a boy?" asked Nami. I don't know, Nami. I'm STILL ambiguous (hurry up and decide, you lazy Author). Also, that men don't care about fashion is a stereotype, and those are stupid.

"…And why are you wearing a colander on your head?" asked Chao

"When I washed my hair it stuck up on all ends, so I just stuck this colander on my head," said Faraway, "It's great for covering my hair completely."

I'm gonna leave you girls to change.

"Didn't you say you wanted fanservice?" said Chao.

I was sort of joking. Demanding fanservice from teenagers is sort of weird.

"You're already a bit weird," said Faraway. Whatever Ice-cream Colander, I'm going.

Ok, we're back. I got myself a sandwich. If you want some, well I can't give you any, I'm not messing up my good-as-new, extra-sturdy-this-time, wall. Anyways, back to the story.

The girls were in the outside hot spring (which created tons of steam so we can still rate this fic T for teen) gazing at the fake stars. Faraway's hair was indeed dreadful. Ick, I didn't think hair could do that.

"Well, it can. I'll put the colander back on her head," said Nami, doing just that.

"You removed the fanservice quite well with all that steam," said Chao, "But I really don't mind doing some service, I'm from _Negima_, remember." I don't want you to. It was just a joke.

"It wasn't a very good one. It seems like this chapter isn't very funny at all," said Faraway. Oh everyone is a critic now, apparently. "People you read you find you annoying, probably," said that idiot again, well they probably think you're a Sue, take that!

"Calm down, you two OCs," said Chao.

"There can only be ONE!" yelled Faraway.

"Fine, Narrator, can you cover the last tiny crack in the fourth wall so to keep you separate from us for a bit?" asked Chao. Well it's more than a tiny crack now, but yeah, I can do that. If we are in separate 'rooms' I can still see you all, but no of you can see me. I'll chat to you all later.

"Wow! My head feels so quiet again!" said Faraway, "I hate that guy so much!"

"Why is that?" asked Chao.

"Well, I like being special. That sounds super egotistical, I know, but the Narrator is basically my brother or sister, and the Narrator has all these cool powers that I can't ever have."

"So it's sibling rivalry?"

"I guess. My fate was sealed as soon as I was first thought of. I'm never getting more powerful because the Author and the Narrator, who are my only family in a way, won't let me," said Faraway (you expect me to care about your whiny problems, 'sis'), "I've got to stop talking now, or else my anti-Sue medicine may stop working, I should have taken more of those pills. Someone, change the subject."

"Ok. Um, have you guys read the story about the threats from the witches?" asked Nami.

"Yes. All the _Soul Eater_ witches banded together under Medusa Gorgon, who would have thought it. I don't like it in the least. Not only was them working together totally unforeseen, also, since the Soul Eater witches have violently opposed IGOR in the past, this is bad," said Chao (in full expo-speak mode).

"In other news," said Faraway, "I still can't believe Azathoth was elected as Head of Translation, AGAIN. And C**dle J**k is now sort of working for the Department of Ninjas, for some reason."

"I'm so glad you learned to pronounce censor-*s. If you couldn't, you might be gone forever," said Nami, she splashed about the water for a bit.

"All the sub-departments get so confusing all the time. I guess with so many agents we need other ways of sorting them," said Chao, pulling a sexy pose that no one (not even you) could see because of all the steam.

"Who's the head of the Department of Redundancy Department, right now?" asked Nami, but suddenly before the author was forced to think of a clever joke involving something redundant, there was a mysterious and totally unexpected power cut in hot springs.

"It's powered by imagination, how is this even possible?" said Nami, as stunned as everyone else, as the whole power in the entire HQ went away.

Tune in next time for the not all that exciting resolution, also Kurogane will the lead of the next chapter!

**AN: I read a short story, '**_**Moths of the New World**_**' (it came in a book of short stories with the Guardian). I've also been watching a walkthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2. My brain feels wobbly. I also have TMBG's 'Whistling in the Dark' stuck in my head. I'm sorry for the lateness of this chapter; I had my exams, and me being ill, and the holidays.**

**Also please send me your ideas for future chapter, I'd like it a lot!**


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